Approval

I type away

It feels like play

What words come, it’s hard to say

Then I delete, trying to be discrete

Trying to please the crowd

What is allowed?

Can I type what I really feel?

Will they believe me, is it real?

The words come from my fingers

They’re on my tongue, they seem to linger

If I write from the heart

There is no end, there is no start

I bleed through the keys

It’s a release I need

Then I seek approval

Will they like it, will it require removal?

Does it matter?

What am I after?

When it’s all done and said

All that matters is my own laughter

 

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Reaching Out

Sick to my stomach

Wondering what’s coming

I put myself out there

Why did I dare?

I thought it mattered, like I should share

Now I’m left out in the cold

Growing old

The time passes with no answer

I don’t know what I’m waiting for

I want to know if you feel the same way

Or is it just me, you wish I’d go away

It’s hard to say

I’m always the one that reaches out

What is that all about?

Does anyone ever miss me?

Or is it just me, the only one who dares to see

I wish for once someone would care about me

Say hello, say you want to see me

I need someone who is there for me, who won’t say no

Where do we go?

Will I ever know?

Bipolar

Come to the end

Where reality will bend

It is a god send

The light will look different and new

There is no feeling blue

The shadows will creep in

There is no such thing as sin

Your mind will begin to open

Don’t be afraid, let it in

You will see the world in a new way

You will laugh, you will play

What is with that one – they will say

You will feel alive

You’ll enjoy the ride

The only fear is when they haul you away

It’s very real, you’ll feel a chill

They will call you insane

The will drag you in, against your will

They will force you to take medication

You’ll be lost in sedation

They may even shock with your electricity

It is your destiny

You’ll be locked away

That one is crazy- they’ll point and say

Bipolar is not a mood disorder

There is something more to it, no clear order

Don’t believe everything you are told

Don’t buy into it, don’t be sold

Your heart may grow cold

Where before, it was pure gold

Now the trick is for your hear to survive

It’s a rough ride

Keep your soul in tact

Don’t be afraid to look back

Analyze your situation

Review the horror, the realization

What was happy and bliss

Now it’s all a miss

Don’t lose yourself in all of it

Be strong, don’t let them tell you you’re just sick

 

 

Mania

Time presses on

The feelings are not all gone

I can sing a song

My life is moving along

I look back and can’t believe it

I’m come so far, now I mean it

The pain is still there

But it hurts less, though I still care

I remember the tears in the night

I sure put up a fight

My arms were bruised

The security guards, their strength they used

They kept me locked away

I could not go outside and play

Inside the institution I screamed

My life, it was more like something I’d dreamed

Actually more like a nightmare

Did my friends and family even care?

Some visited, most didn’t

I was all by myself for most of the day

2 hours family could visit, what would they say?

They’d urge me to get better

I didn’t understand I was under the weather

I thought I was fine, mostly feeling sublime

The mania felt great, if only they’d let me out to celebrate

They thought I was a danger

Risks and fighting were no stranger

I was impulsive and emotional

My heart and mind, they felt so full

Will I ever feel that way again?

It’s hard to say, I’m on the mend.

 

Torn

What is wrong

What is right

I’m not sure

It’s not in my sight

I don’t want to fight

I know I’m not right

But something inside urges me to do it

I’m not through with it

I need to follow my heart

I knew it from the start

I feel a deep connection

He has my affection

I just want his attention

Or even just a mention

I know I should let it go

But my heart says no

There is something more to show

I want to hear his voice

Do I even have a choice?

The touch of his hand in mine

It feels so sublime

The time, I wish I could rewind

But I cannot be with him

I am spoken for

I’m married, that’s for sure

I must stay true

It’s not always easy to do

When you heart skips a beat

The feeling, so sweet

Life isn’t always so neat

It can be a mess

Still, I know I am blessed