Tomorrow We Meet

Tomorrow he’ll arrive

I will finally feel alive

I want to hold his hand

A safe place to land

I will look into his eyes

My future I will realize

My heart doesn’t tell lies

His touch

I want it so much

I could go on and on…gush and gush

He makes me blush

I feel flushed

I knew my feelings were strong

I’d read his words…go on and on

My heart would pound

My body – make a new sound

Aching and breaking

I want to embrace, ease the shaking

Two souls intertwined

No looking back, no rewind

This is it

Out of my mind

Into reality

Goodbye banality

 

 

 

 

 

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Skin Picking

I pick

I’m sick

The flesh on my bones

At night I’m all alone

My quiet home

I’ve picked so long

Since I was a child

Didn’t know it was so wrong

Scars up and down my arms

I’ve caused myself so much harm

Is it self hate?

Is it too late?

I hide beneath my clothes

Afraid to disrobe

No skin has been spared

I suppose I am scared

To give up this addiction

Since I was 8, I’ve had this affliction

Ashamed of what I’ve done to myself

It’s clear just looking at me

I can’t possibly be in good health

Skin removed from around my nails

Bumps and redness prevail

All across my face

Clear skin would seem out of place

It’s up and down my back

Like I’ve been under attack

I pick and pick

I can’t stop

I am so sick

 

Chapters

Ready to move on

I wish all my problems were gone

I don’t want to talk through it

It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t fit

These puzzles pieces don’t line up

I can feel it in my gut

I really don’t care anymore

Arguments, defenses, they are all a bore

He said, she said

I couldn’t care less, the feelings are dead

I feel like it should matter to me

But I feel apathetic, I don’t feel the need

I don’t need answers, or problems solved

I’m stepping forward, in my mind – this is all resolved

I’m taking the good, forgetting the bad

I’m willing to forgive, thankful for what I once had

But these are memories in the past

A few were good, but they won’t be my last

It’s just another chapter in my book

I’m moving forward, to the future I look

They Never Leave My Mind

Confused

I’ve been abused

Tired of being used

I’ve come unglued

Time to be renewed

Always trying to pick what’s right

It’s not so black and white

I hate to close a door

Later I’ll wish I’d allowed more

Feeling unsure

It’s not easy to sort my feelings

These are complicated dealings

I try to follow what’s in my heart

But I can’t tell where to start

Good memories mixed with bad

Thoughts of being happy, some of being sad

People come and go, this I know

But I wish I had more to show

So many friends I’ve had to let go

It’s always my decision, I eventually say no

I can’t take the pain and the drama

I’ve experienced far too much trauma

But they never leave my mind

I have a hard time leaving things behind

Memories stuck on rewind

Reliving relationships from a decade ago

It’s time to move on, but how to let go?

Complete

I look in your eyes

I realize

You are all that matters

Forget the madness

All the mad hatters

I feel at home in your presence

I’m drunk on your essence

Your voice speaks to my soul

You make me feel full

Complete and content

I want to be enveloped in your scent

Sad. Mad. Feelings…

My therapist makes me reflect. I like that. He is so wise. Makes me realize – it’s been fucked up all along. My family. My relationships. I’ve ignored my own feelings. Accepted lies when my mind and my heart told me better. I’m sad. I’ve been told I was too sensitive and it made me pull away from my feelings. I’ve blocked the hurt and the pain when I should have let it rain. There was so much to gain…but I disengaged from myself. I thought it would be good for my health. When I had my breakdown I cried…to the point of drooling. It was cathartic. I thought I was feeling the collective sadness of the world…maybe I was, or maybe it was all the tears I had denied myself for so many years. Told to act normal. Told to calm down. Told to get over it. Move on. Let go. You’re too sensitive. I’ve been hurt again and again, it’s the little things, it’s the big things. I was an angry child. I couldn’t let myself be sad because I was told that wasn’t acceptable, so the rage came instead. Inside I felt dead. Letting my anger out on my sister, hitting and screaming. It wasn’t until I got into drugs in my high school years that I finally let go of the rage…but where did it go? I stuffed my feelings. Drugs. Drinking. I ignored what I knew was right, I told the little voice inside my head to shut up, I blocked it. Why? Why did I override my own feelings? I knew my husband was a creep the night I met him – I told my friend not to leave me alone with him because he was creepy…then I married him. That’s just one example of me ignoring my heart. I’m so sad that this has been life – my upbringing. I’ve been surrounded by liars and pain. God damn it, I deserve better.

Tied to You

Faithful and true

I’m tied to you

Fingers intertwined

A bind I can’t unwind

You’re always on my mind

The anger has resigned

Hearing your voice

I’m not given a choice

I’ll melt in your arms

You’ll do me no harm

I’ll give you my best

Forget about the rest

Ignore the past

Move forward at last

I’ve been dreaming of you

I always knew

One day you’d appear

The time is so near

My heart will explode

It’s time to unload

Start something new

I want to be with you