When the ego attacks. There are lots of roadblocks along the road to conscious choice – living from the heart. Following your life path. One of those roadblocks comes in the form of anger and defensiveness – depending on person this can get very intense and even lead to full destruction. I had the honor and am so thankful to have seen this in action last week. It was a beautiful opportunity to see the two parts of the self – the true self and mind games that conceal it. This has been called many things – the ego and the superego, the bill and the bob. I’m not going to label them here – but if you are familiar with those concepts from Freud that would be a good framework to start with.
Rather than get too intellectual here – I’m just going to use an example. Last week someone that I have a very close relationship with became very vulnerable. We both were. We shared a completely new level of secrets – of true feelings and desires. Some of these desires, society would label as “wrong” or “shameful.” Well – shame on them for spreading such horrible feelings 😉
It was a beautiful moment and I felt a new level of intimacy – as did this other person. Less than 12 hours later this person was saying some of the most hateful and horrible things, not just about me but about themselves. They began pushing me away and saying unimaginably dark and hateful things – a whole new level of ugly.
I somehow appreciated the whole thing – even in the moment. I recognized it for what it was – silly ego. The walls had been broken down, the defenses and excuses, the hiding place – all removed. It felt neat at first, but then the ego settled in and looked around and went “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MASK?!” It freaked out.
The next day we discussed this at this level and we both understood this to be what had happened. I was not angry at the person and this person, in return, was so humbled and surprised by my compassion and understanding. How could I be anything but?
Have you ever had something like this play out in your life? Have you done this to other people?
Musings From a Ragged Soul 